I Wanted You To Know
by Palaven Blues
Summary: At the Collector base, one squadmate doesn't make it out. This is the one that actually qualifies for the July competition at Aria's Afterlife. Beware of potential feels.


Shepard sat on her bed, holding his visor in her hands.

.

"_Siha, he is gone. Let him go."_

"_No, he's still breathing. He'll be fine."_ Shep threw the leather-clad arm off her shoulder. No, she wasn't going to leave him here. Not in this organic-machine monstrosity. They were going to get him out.

"_He has lost too much blood. Let him go, Siha."_

.

Shep rubbed her forehead as the sinus headache started to build; she got it every time she cri- Every time I don't cry, she reminded herself. Commander Shepard doesn't cry. Her thumb caressed the button on the visor. His visor. She had never seen him without it.

He was without it now.

He had intended it for her, she knew; going into the suicide mission, he had made sure to leave her something, in case …. She couldn't quite press the button to listen to whatever message he'd left her. What would he have said? Would it be an accusation? Without her, he might have been back home on Palaven by now, cradling his first child instead of dying for some woman who had insisted they keep things professional.

.

"_He's fine! He'll be okay."_

"_Siha, we cannot get him back to the shuttle." He reached a gentle hand out to her and again she threw it off. Shepard knew that if Thane Krios, assassin extraordinaire, was saying he'd already bled out, then he had. She still couldn't let him go. She held one of his hands, refusing to let him go, to let him slip away from her._

"_Garrus, stay with me, big guy. You'll be okay. Thane and I can carry you."_

_Blue eyes slid away from her to focus on Thane. He flicked his eyes to her once, then continued to stare at the drell until Thane nodded._

"_I will take care of her, Sere Vakarian. You have my word."_

"_What – No!" Strong arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her away._

.

In her cabin, Shepard pushed the button. Garrus's voice immediately started speaking. Dual-toned, rich; not hesitant as he so often was while speaking to her. For this he had known just what to say.

"If you're hearing this, Shep, I guess I must be gone."

_ ._

_Blue foam forced its way out of Garrus's mouth as he tried to speak. Thane paused, allowing Shepard to reach for him again._

"_It's okay, big guy, we're not leaving you, I promise." She laid her hand against Garrus's face, neither seeing nor caring that the blue blood wouldn't mix with her own; they ran and whirled down her hand, but never blended. Garrus pulled the visor away from his face and pressed it into her hand, then glanced once more at Thane. This time, when he dragged her away, he was not going to let her go back._

.

"I wanted you to know, Shep. Even though you said just friends, I love you. I will always love you."

.

_Shepard screamed and kicked but she couldn't seem to turn in Thane's arms to actually fight him. He carried her away, whispering that they had to go now, the collector base was coming down._

.

"I guess that probably makes me pretty stupid. Can't help it. When you died, Shep, you nearly took me with you. I was hoping it would be me, this time. I couldn't stand to live through your death twice."

.

_Collector soldiers and seeker swarms came after them. Thane had to let her go to fight them but she couldn't go back. She couldn't get through the swarms._

.

"Well, maybe there really is a bar in the afterlife. If there is, I'm going to be waiting. I want to hear the whole story of how Commander Shepard defeated the Reapers. Not for a while, though. I don't expect you up here for at least a hundred years."

.

_Shepard landed hard after Thane threw her into the shuttle. She bounced back up immediately, still determined to go back and save him, but Thane was there already, catching her and keeping her on board._

"_Uh … Did Garrus …?" Joker couldn't seem to find the words. Shepard couldn't answer him, in any case._

"_He is gone, Joker. Get us back to the _Normandy,_ please."_

.

"So, that's it, I suppose. I'll be up here. Don't worry about me. I feel good about this, knowing that you're still out there, kicking ass and taking names. Or was it chewing bubblegum? I think you told me once, but I don't remember."

.

"_I never … I never even told him," Shepard whispered. He had been the first to join her, back before it was even her team. When she was still Alliance. He'd quit C-Sec just to follow her around the galaxy, fighting her battles with her. He was supposed to still be there with her after the war was over._

_Thane held her, tried to soothe her. "It would have made no difference, Siha. We were not able to save him whether you told him or not."_

"_It would have made a difference to him."_

.

"Still. Even if you could never love me, I love you, Shep. I always will. Kick some ass for me." There was a click on the recording, then a long sigh. I wasn't supposed to hear that, Shep realized. He thought he'd turned it off. Shepard was about to turn it off herself, when his voice came again, fainter, as though he had set the visor down already. "It would have been nice if you had loved me, too."


End file.
